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Letting Go of Toxic Traits: Mental Preparation Before the Wedding

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Weddings are enjoyable. It is a ceremony that allows people to express their happiness and celebrate their love for one another. Moreover, it is the official start of a new life together.

All the stress and hassle from months or even years of planning that special day are finally put into fruition; thus, the journey leading to it is crucial for everyone involved. However, while setting a budget, preparing for the entourage, choosing the perfect designer’s wedding dress, and finalizing the motif is crucial, one needs to put their mental health in check and let go of certain things to achieve a better and more fulfilling life ahead.

The need to please everyone.

People-pleasing often roots from fear. Fear of not being or doing enough, not making others happy, or not living up to their standards. We mentally take responsibility for what others feel, that we often oversee what that burden is doing to us.

The truth is, while we may find hobbies similar to other people, nobody is ever cut from the same bolt of cloth. Each of us is made to have our preferences, which allows us to become our own person. So, sacrificing your comfort to earn your boss’s respect, your partner’s approval, or belong to a clique is an exhausting ordeal and a total waste of time.

If you aren’t careful, this lifestyle can lead to sociotropy resulting in a toxic pattern of self-neglect, depression, and anxiety damaging your relationship and yourself in the process. So, it is crucial to understand this behavior and get help if necessary. But, of course, you don’t have to go all out right away.

Start from recognizing signs and set boundaries for yourself. Sometimes, even the ones you think are simple may already contribute to this harmful trait. For example, if you are used to your parents making important decisions for you, stop and take a moment to assess yourself.

Will pink roses make you happy? Is a church wedding essential? Do you have to invite a relative you don’t really like? Politely decline and remind them that the ceremony is about you and your partner, not them.

The belief that you need to depend on someone.

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Boys and girls are raised differently. This is obvious from the clothes we were made to wear, the bedtime fairy tales our parents read for us, and the movies and novels we believed were true. However, as much as there are differences, the narrative remains the same – girls are delicate flowers that need protection, and boys are knights who need to do the saving.

Society has boxed men and women to specific standards that have become toxic and harmful over time. Thus, it reflects how we see the world and ourselves as we grow old. And while this isn’t anyone’s fault, what we do with it after is our responsibility.

We need to separate fiction from real life and understand that there is more to it after happily-ever-after. Thus, both men and women must build themselves up before deciding to share their life with someone. Lack of self-awareness may lead to toxic and codependent relationships harming each other, further preventing growth.

While there is no such thing as having a perfect life, reaching a point of satisfaction and calmness can prevent you from draining life and energy from each other. You can do this by doing what makes you happy. This includes experiencing life as you want it, learning to decide on your own, pursue a career you want, become financially stable and independent in life.

Most importantly, remove the notion that you need others to save you. While it’s great to share your life with someone special, it’s also crucial to learn to love yourself to live a life without regrets.

The notion that you know everything.

No marriage is perfect; it will always have its ups and downs. It is a journey full of sacrifices, compromise, and adjustments beyond love, companionship, support, and comfort. It is a continuous process that you need to understand before deciding to spend a lifetime together.

Therefore, it is crucial to be receptive. You need to set a space for learning and unlearning. Remember that there is beauty in imperfections, and the process is vital to help us understand ourselves better.

Start by setting a ‘we’ mindset. Accept that some decisions will affect both of you; thus, it’s crucial to respect your partner and listen to their arguments before making a final decision. This includes matters on children, financial health, spending habits, and relocating.

Beyond the expensive gifts and lavish ceremonies, marriage is a choice that requires a team effort. Therefore, learn to accept and adjust accordingly to properly support each other for a better life ahead.

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