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This is my trial process this year : challenge each part of me to develop. I’m starting by writing. Subconsciously, I ended up wanting to explore more of my feelings in writing. My head is clearing up much more in writing, especially when I can express some particular ideas which are hunting my head for long time. When this thought came up to my mind, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to transcript silly ideas, to perfect intelligible and message full sentences. So, I simply decided I will make this exercise to write about the most pregnant thought in my head, and try to explore its validity into real life. So, what is tormenting me right now?

Relations between people, friendships, love… I felt suddenly motivated and inspirited to write more personal, honest thoughts. We all have our stories and some of them deserve to be written. I want to write more and more about my feelings now, before I’ll get old, before I feel I will grow up too much. Not only to have it as memory, but also to make a statement of my way to feel things now.

By reading the 50 shades of Grey (please don’t mind the sexual story of the novel, what I’m trying to point out is something totally different) I enjoyed the details used to describe incertitude, happiness, using not pretentious words. The book itself is a nice way of emptying your head and follow a easy to understand, sometimes difficult love story, that we all have, in a form or another. After reading it, I ended up mixing French words while speaking English (I read the book in French) and like something switch inside me, I was paying more attention to exterior acts. I felt detached from the reality and I saw much more clear what was happening around me. I’m sure this has nothing to do with the book or story itself, somehow just my inside trigger synchronized with the moment of reading the book.

This whole complex set of actions, that seems I half ignored till now, has affected me somehow. I’m not sure why I didn’t see some of the things I observed just now. But somehow, this seemed unfair – is like I was missing half of the movie. Now, I simply want to explore more of these missed things, no matter by which circumstances they’ve been ignored – time, stress, obsessive thoughts with something else – but, as long as this is producing some challenging feelings inside me, deserves to be explored.

People interact and act differently, even if they were raised in the same type of environment, culture, etc. They decide on relationships (of any type) based on the ability to pick up certain elements from the environments in which they lived before and by synchronizing them with the ones of their soon-to-be partner, friend. We feel closer and better towards some type of people, which we say are sharing some interests as us, or simply with people that are able to detect same aspects of life the same as we do.

It was in that beginning of the year that I started to ask questions. More questions. Maybe too many questions. Even thought the year which passed seemed full of things done successfully I was not happy with what I’ve done. I felt I was missing something – from words I wrote, where the proper adjectives wouldn’t fall in place to describe the feeling’s acuity, to the way I hoped life would be. I was still searching for reasons to go beyond my fears, because I felt I should do this. Somehow I succeeded to pass the year ignoring half of my subcontinent questions, and that time when the clock beat a new life’s frame, everything started like a merry-go-round in my head. Would I succeed to explore all this? You can follow my journey through the short fiction-inspired-from-real-events stories on florilegium page. Till then, be true and delicious and enjoy this simply and healthy persimmon smoothie.

Persimmon smoothie
Persimmon smoothiePersimmon smoothie

 

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